I've had far too many people tell me that there is something special about me, but they can't quite put their finger on it. To some, this special quality is what they like most about me, but it seems that the majority, after the initial interest, gets frustrated with it and walks away.
So, who am I? What type am I? I think it's safe to assume that most guys want to be able to place a girl into a "type" to make it easier. I wish I knew what mine was.
I've taken all those personality tests, and they always say that I'm right in the middle. A perfect balance. Perfect balance? Is that possible? And isn't that kind of strange in itself? Once again I have decided to delve into myself and try to figure out a little more of the person that I am. Am I a type?
--Angela the Athlete--
I suppose I could qualify for this type. Though, if you’d ask an actual athlete, I doubt that they would consider me to be much of one. Ever since I was able to walk, Dad has pushed me into sports. I’m the only one of my siblings to actually stick with it. (When your 6ft tall, it’s kind of expected.) I’ve played an array of sports in my life, but was never really that great at any of them except for high jump and volleyball. I’m also not super competitive. I’m determined, and I think there is a difference. It doesn’t bother me all that much if I lose, as long as I know that I’ve done my best and when a game is more difficult, it’s more fun. I love my Browns and my Indians, but I’d be a poser if I said that I’m a die-hard fan. (It’s more like watching a cousin or nephew playing on a little-league team… You are really excited to watch a game or hear that they have won, but it isn’t something that eats up all your time.) I can pretty much attribute my athleticism to the enjoyment of being active and feeling like I’m a part of something (a team).
--Angela the Artist--
Maybe this is the closest type that I could be labeled as, but my strong interest in other things keeps me from being a true artsy-fartsy type. Music is a huge part of my life and I’ve played various instruments (piano, percussion, clarinet, guitar) and my high school choir director actually hunted me down after hearing me sing once and pestered me until I joined the choir my senior year. (Which has become one of the wisest things I’ve ever done and my choir director has become one of my fondest role models)
I was given a lead role by chance before my junior year of high school in a community theater, and I haven’t stopped acting since. I’ve told my parent’s, much to my father’s dismay, that I wanted to be an artist ever since I could talk. (Inspired by my grandmother’s paintings, I’m sure.) I was always drawing and sketching, but the thought of being a commercial artist stopped me dead in my tracks. (I’m really not that great, and I’d like to continue to actually enjoy drawing as a hobby rather than a demanding career.)
I’ve been writing poetry since 3rd grade, I think. I can remember several teachers presenting my parents with things that I had written in those years and both the teacher and my parents were astonished. Though, I had no concept of why. That is something that I have kept with me (poems/ song lyrics). I guess that makes me emo??? * shrug * Great people and songwriters have written poetry. I am neither, but it is the one artistic quality that I can say with confidence that I am good at.
However, I realize the pot-holes in my voice, and my lack of being truly creative on any of the instruments. I think I was taught more to mimic than to actually learn how to use the instrument to create. * sigh * A big regret. But I’m still trying. I’m not eccentric, and I’m not bohemian. Even with all my interest, I’m too close-lipped to be much of a drama queen and I don’t quite have the skill to really be an artist/musician. People who don’t already know that I’m into the arts are always surprised if they catch me doodling or singing.
--Angela the Princess--
I’m not…. I’ve always taken a strong dislike to anything pink, and anything scrolled with the word “princess” makes me gag. It’s wrong of me, but I instantly think those girls are self-centered and shallow. I admit that I like the more interesting things that say “Angel” (not the teeny-bopper “angel” items) but that’s because my name, Angela, means angel and I have a strong interest in angels.
I believe this all stems from my father’s desire for a boy and never getting one. My older sister got the pink room and I got the blue room. She got the Barbies, I got the Legos. She had the night gowns, I had the shirt and pants set. I was “the moose” and was thrust into sports. I was the one that Dad drug out to the garage to explain car stuff to. My sisters both grew to be small and have disorders, and I had to step up as the strong older sister for them both. I was the one called upon to do the heavy lifting at home.
I’m not so much a tom-boy as I simply refuse to let people tell me what I can’t do. And I just don’t understand girly-girls. I had a roommate in college that was a princess, and she mentioned once that she needed to call up one of her many “guy-callers” to do her packing for her and take her out to dinner. I asked her, “Don’t you ever want to do something for yourself for the gratification of knowing you accomplished something?” and she looked at me like I was insane and said, “Why would I want to do something when I can get a guy to do it for me? I’m a girl, I should get things on a silver platter.”
That floored me. I wrote my very first song about that one thing. I just don’t understand that. I will claw and scrape my way through this life to achieve my goals. I appreciate help, but I don’t expect or demand it. Maybe I’m missing something. She did have guys falling for her everywhere she went (which is something else I don’t understand about guys) and things did seem to come very easily to her. But I don’t think I could ever bring myself to be that shallow.
--Angela the Goth/punk/skater/emo/ and all those other things that are pretty much the same thing--
Ummm… I don’t think I’ve ever been Goth. Maybe at Halloween I could qualify, but my escapades with black clothing are as follows: concert blacks, opera gown, stage blacks, formal attire, professional attire, and the little black dress I’m still trying to find a reason to wear. I do have a considerable amount of black in my closet, but when your doing a 3-week run of shows, it’s better than wearing the same black T-shirt and smelling like road-kill.
I’m rather eclectic with my clothing, which is pretty easy when I prefer to shop at Gabes, Goodwill, Salvation Army, or any number of thrift stores. I don’t buy clothes that often, but I’ll admit that I have more clothes than I should. I’ve been this size (though I’ve lost 20lbs) since jr. high, so I am more of a pack rat and haven’t gotten rid of anything. T-shirts are my weakness.
I wore my “I like Switchfoot” T-shirt to my first rehearsal with a new director once and he said, “Switchfoot, eh? So you’re a skater girl?” What? Since when has Switchfoot been a skater band? My experience as a skateboarder was a few lessons from my skateboarding friend in college (which fizzled out because he was actually more interested in trying to date my princess roommate). Although I would like to learn to board, I surely wouldn’t consider myself to be a skater.
Emo, maybe. I did have the bangs for a short time, but that’s because I was bored with my hair. I do love quotes and I will, on occasion, write them on my hand as a gentle reminder for myself throughout the day. I keep a journal, write poetry, make songs. * shrug * I guess I could be emo. I don’t really dwell on “woe-is-me”. I do think a lot and that can really get me down, but I’m not the type to display it to the rest of the world. I think most people would see me as a rather happy individual. And secretly, I love my life and all of the difficulties that frustrate me. It’s part of living and no matter how bad things get, I always remind myself that God has given me breath, and that should be enough.
Punk… see either “skater” or “emo”
--Angela the hippy/ prep/ bohemian--
I’m lumping these together because… well, just because. I’m not very bubble gum, but I do keep myself on the cleaner side of clothing. I went through a grunge phase back in my school days and this is probably more because of the people I was hanging out with and how they destroyed my self-esteem. I also over-corrected and tried to become super-preppy, only wearing name brands (which consisted of maybe 5 shirts that I would rotate wearing) and trying to mimic the most popular girls. Wow! Now that I think about it, I must have been pretty obnoxious. Finally I began to realize that it’s way too much upkeep to worry about hair and makeup and matching accessories.
I suppose I’m more hippy/ bohemian. But not in overly blown-out, smiley face, “Flower Power”, or make-your-parents-cringe unconventional way. I tend to base what I wear on the situation. An interview calls for more professional clothing, an event calls for something nice, and everyday is whatever is comfy. I don’t tend to dress like most girls, but I also don’t tend to dress to be noticed. I tend to wear an array of muted-styled (not to be confused with muted colors) clothes. I’d consider myself to be very plain. It took me a while, but I realized that it’s not about the clothes that I wear, it’s about the person that I am.
--Angela the Loner--
After breaking ties with the people who abused my friendship and were only interested in using me as a punching bag, I kept to myself and focused on my school work and activities in those years. It was a difficult time of figuring out who I was. I realized that there were people out there who were willing to allow me to be myself and accept me for that. Despite the misconceptions of my own class, I was ale to make many friends in the classes above and below mine. However, I never quite fit into a group after that and even though I had this talent to befriend people of all types, it was rare that I was called on a weekend to hang out when groups got together.
This has continued through my college and post-college years. I still tend to keep more to myself and gravitate more towards people willing to be themselves and less likely to be drama queens. (Drama is my career, not my lifestyle.) It can be frustrating to deal with people who constantly put on a show. I get along with people easily and have been able to have get-togethers and introduce all kinds of people. I have also been able to act as mediator when people are fighting. I rarely make enemies, but at the same time, I rarely make very close friends. I miss having a close knit group to spend time with or someone I could really talk to. I end up spending much of my time alone… though it’s not by choice.
--Angela the Christian--
I’m not Bible beater, and I know that I fall short, but I do try and my faith is important. I don’t hold it over anyone’s head and I don’t shove it down anyone’s throat. I’m the type who will talk about it fearlessly if I’m engaged in a religious conversation but I will also listen to someone else’s ideas. I won’t deny my faith, and I won’t excuse it. I won’t force you to see things my way because I know that I don’t fully understand everything. Besides, if you don’t come to Christianity willingly, then you aren’t really coming to Christianity at all. I’m here if you’d like to talk about it or if you have any questions, but I also know that I don't have all the answers. I’m always learning and growing. I try to be the best person that I can be, and I think that is more important than how many Bible verses you know.
I find myself to be an amusing Charlie Brown type character. After swearing all the curse words out of myself in jr. high and listening to my parents use them towards each other, I finally had enough. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be and I wasn’t living the life I wanted to. I’d been a Christian all my life, and I was an awful example. I decided to leave the so-called friends that were a bad influence and clean up my language, which left me very confused and lonely for a few tough years. Surprisingly, my parents were impressed and did so themselves. I now enjoy such words as: “rats”, “crap!”, “geesh”, “good grief” and “gasp!” And my frustration words cause others to laugh, which causes me to laugh as well and happiness follows.
--Angela as Herself--
I am beautiful in my own right. Simple and honest. Sometimes I need to be reminded, but beauty isn’t just a look or a type or how many guys you can get to fall for you. I have grown to be more practical and compassionate. I’m still a child at heart and goofing around is one of my favorite things. In stark contrast, I love a good conversation where I can learn about people and their thoughts and ideas. I do my best to stay positive in my everyday life and show kindness whenever possible. I realize that most things aren’t worth getting worked-up over and I let it roll off my back, however the things that really do bother me are things that I can’t seem to understand. Those things, I stress over quietly inside my head because I figure these thoughts are my own to figure out and not to burden others with. (I find myself to be quite lucky when I find someone who is collected enough to want to delve into my inner most thoughts)
Sometimes I wish I could just be categorized as one type and be done with it. I am still so much of a mystery to myself and it always seems that I don’t quite fit anywhere in this life. It’s like one of those peg games, and I am some strange polygon that doesn’t fit into the square, circle, or triangle hole. I’ve had so many people want to believe their first impression of me to be all that I am and they get frustrated when I prove them wrong over and over. People give up and decide that since this peg doesn’t fit anywhere, it doesn’t belong, and they toss it away.
I suppose I could qualify for this type. Though, if you’d ask an actual athlete, I doubt that they would consider me to be much of one. Ever since I was able to walk, Dad has pushed me into sports. I’m the only one of my siblings to actually stick with it. (When your 6ft tall, it’s kind of expected.) I’ve played an array of sports in my life, but was never really that great at any of them except for high jump and volleyball. I’m also not super competitive. I’m determined, and I think there is a difference. It doesn’t bother me all that much if I lose, as long as I know that I’ve done my best and when a game is more difficult, it’s more fun. I love my Browns and my Indians, but I’d be a poser if I said that I’m a die-hard fan. (It’s more like watching a cousin or nephew playing on a little-league team… You are really excited to watch a game or hear that they have won, but it isn’t something that eats up all your time.) I can pretty much attribute my athleticism to the enjoyment of being active and feeling like I’m a part of something (a team).
--Angela the Artist--
Maybe this is the closest type that I could be labeled as, but my strong interest in other things keeps me from being a true artsy-fartsy type. Music is a huge part of my life and I’ve played various instruments (piano, percussion, clarinet, guitar) and my high school choir director actually hunted me down after hearing me sing once and pestered me until I joined the choir my senior year. (Which has become one of the wisest things I’ve ever done and my choir director has become one of my fondest role models)
I was given a lead role by chance before my junior year of high school in a community theater, and I haven’t stopped acting since. I’ve told my parent’s, much to my father’s dismay, that I wanted to be an artist ever since I could talk. (Inspired by my grandmother’s paintings, I’m sure.) I was always drawing and sketching, but the thought of being a commercial artist stopped me dead in my tracks. (I’m really not that great, and I’d like to continue to actually enjoy drawing as a hobby rather than a demanding career.)
I’ve been writing poetry since 3rd grade, I think. I can remember several teachers presenting my parents with things that I had written in those years and both the teacher and my parents were astonished. Though, I had no concept of why. That is something that I have kept with me (poems/ song lyrics). I guess that makes me emo??? * shrug * Great people and songwriters have written poetry. I am neither, but it is the one artistic quality that I can say with confidence that I am good at.
However, I realize the pot-holes in my voice, and my lack of being truly creative on any of the instruments. I think I was taught more to mimic than to actually learn how to use the instrument to create. * sigh * A big regret. But I’m still trying. I’m not eccentric, and I’m not bohemian. Even with all my interest, I’m too close-lipped to be much of a drama queen and I don’t quite have the skill to really be an artist/musician. People who don’t already know that I’m into the arts are always surprised if they catch me doodling or singing.
--Angela the Princess--
I’m not…. I’ve always taken a strong dislike to anything pink, and anything scrolled with the word “princess” makes me gag. It’s wrong of me, but I instantly think those girls are self-centered and shallow. I admit that I like the more interesting things that say “Angel” (not the teeny-bopper “angel” items) but that’s because my name, Angela, means angel and I have a strong interest in angels.
I believe this all stems from my father’s desire for a boy and never getting one. My older sister got the pink room and I got the blue room. She got the Barbies, I got the Legos. She had the night gowns, I had the shirt and pants set. I was “the moose” and was thrust into sports. I was the one that Dad drug out to the garage to explain car stuff to. My sisters both grew to be small and have disorders, and I had to step up as the strong older sister for them both. I was the one called upon to do the heavy lifting at home.
I’m not so much a tom-boy as I simply refuse to let people tell me what I can’t do. And I just don’t understand girly-girls. I had a roommate in college that was a princess, and she mentioned once that she needed to call up one of her many “guy-callers” to do her packing for her and take her out to dinner. I asked her, “Don’t you ever want to do something for yourself for the gratification of knowing you accomplished something?” and she looked at me like I was insane and said, “Why would I want to do something when I can get a guy to do it for me? I’m a girl, I should get things on a silver platter.”
That floored me. I wrote my very first song about that one thing. I just don’t understand that. I will claw and scrape my way through this life to achieve my goals. I appreciate help, but I don’t expect or demand it. Maybe I’m missing something. She did have guys falling for her everywhere she went (which is something else I don’t understand about guys) and things did seem to come very easily to her. But I don’t think I could ever bring myself to be that shallow.
--Angela the Goth/punk/skater/emo/ and all those other things that are pretty much the same thing--
Ummm… I don’t think I’ve ever been Goth. Maybe at Halloween I could qualify, but my escapades with black clothing are as follows: concert blacks, opera gown, stage blacks, formal attire, professional attire, and the little black dress I’m still trying to find a reason to wear. I do have a considerable amount of black in my closet, but when your doing a 3-week run of shows, it’s better than wearing the same black T-shirt and smelling like road-kill.
I’m rather eclectic with my clothing, which is pretty easy when I prefer to shop at Gabes, Goodwill, Salvation Army, or any number of thrift stores. I don’t buy clothes that often, but I’ll admit that I have more clothes than I should. I’ve been this size (though I’ve lost 20lbs) since jr. high, so I am more of a pack rat and haven’t gotten rid of anything. T-shirts are my weakness.
I wore my “I like Switchfoot” T-shirt to my first rehearsal with a new director once and he said, “Switchfoot, eh? So you’re a skater girl?” What? Since when has Switchfoot been a skater band? My experience as a skateboarder was a few lessons from my skateboarding friend in college (which fizzled out because he was actually more interested in trying to date my princess roommate). Although I would like to learn to board, I surely wouldn’t consider myself to be a skater.
Emo, maybe. I did have the bangs for a short time, but that’s because I was bored with my hair. I do love quotes and I will, on occasion, write them on my hand as a gentle reminder for myself throughout the day. I keep a journal, write poetry, make songs. * shrug * I guess I could be emo. I don’t really dwell on “woe-is-me”. I do think a lot and that can really get me down, but I’m not the type to display it to the rest of the world. I think most people would see me as a rather happy individual. And secretly, I love my life and all of the difficulties that frustrate me. It’s part of living and no matter how bad things get, I always remind myself that God has given me breath, and that should be enough.
Punk… see either “skater” or “emo”
--Angela the hippy/ prep/ bohemian--
I’m lumping these together because… well, just because. I’m not very bubble gum, but I do keep myself on the cleaner side of clothing. I went through a grunge phase back in my school days and this is probably more because of the people I was hanging out with and how they destroyed my self-esteem. I also over-corrected and tried to become super-preppy, only wearing name brands (which consisted of maybe 5 shirts that I would rotate wearing) and trying to mimic the most popular girls. Wow! Now that I think about it, I must have been pretty obnoxious. Finally I began to realize that it’s way too much upkeep to worry about hair and makeup and matching accessories.
I suppose I’m more hippy/ bohemian. But not in overly blown-out, smiley face, “Flower Power”, or make-your-parents-cringe unconventional way. I tend to base what I wear on the situation. An interview calls for more professional clothing, an event calls for something nice, and everyday is whatever is comfy. I don’t tend to dress like most girls, but I also don’t tend to dress to be noticed. I tend to wear an array of muted-styled (not to be confused with muted colors) clothes. I’d consider myself to be very plain. It took me a while, but I realized that it’s not about the clothes that I wear, it’s about the person that I am.
--Angela the Loner--
After breaking ties with the people who abused my friendship and were only interested in using me as a punching bag, I kept to myself and focused on my school work and activities in those years. It was a difficult time of figuring out who I was. I realized that there were people out there who were willing to allow me to be myself and accept me for that. Despite the misconceptions of my own class, I was ale to make many friends in the classes above and below mine. However, I never quite fit into a group after that and even though I had this talent to befriend people of all types, it was rare that I was called on a weekend to hang out when groups got together.
This has continued through my college and post-college years. I still tend to keep more to myself and gravitate more towards people willing to be themselves and less likely to be drama queens. (Drama is my career, not my lifestyle.) It can be frustrating to deal with people who constantly put on a show. I get along with people easily and have been able to have get-togethers and introduce all kinds of people. I have also been able to act as mediator when people are fighting. I rarely make enemies, but at the same time, I rarely make very close friends. I miss having a close knit group to spend time with or someone I could really talk to. I end up spending much of my time alone… though it’s not by choice.
--Angela the Christian--
I’m not Bible beater, and I know that I fall short, but I do try and my faith is important. I don’t hold it over anyone’s head and I don’t shove it down anyone’s throat. I’m the type who will talk about it fearlessly if I’m engaged in a religious conversation but I will also listen to someone else’s ideas. I won’t deny my faith, and I won’t excuse it. I won’t force you to see things my way because I know that I don’t fully understand everything. Besides, if you don’t come to Christianity willingly, then you aren’t really coming to Christianity at all. I’m here if you’d like to talk about it or if you have any questions, but I also know that I don't have all the answers. I’m always learning and growing. I try to be the best person that I can be, and I think that is more important than how many Bible verses you know.
I find myself to be an amusing Charlie Brown type character. After swearing all the curse words out of myself in jr. high and listening to my parents use them towards each other, I finally had enough. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be and I wasn’t living the life I wanted to. I’d been a Christian all my life, and I was an awful example. I decided to leave the so-called friends that were a bad influence and clean up my language, which left me very confused and lonely for a few tough years. Surprisingly, my parents were impressed and did so themselves. I now enjoy such words as: “rats”, “crap!”, “geesh”, “good grief” and “gasp!” And my frustration words cause others to laugh, which causes me to laugh as well and happiness follows.
--Angela as Herself--
I am beautiful in my own right. Simple and honest. Sometimes I need to be reminded, but beauty isn’t just a look or a type or how many guys you can get to fall for you. I have grown to be more practical and compassionate. I’m still a child at heart and goofing around is one of my favorite things. In stark contrast, I love a good conversation where I can learn about people and their thoughts and ideas. I do my best to stay positive in my everyday life and show kindness whenever possible. I realize that most things aren’t worth getting worked-up over and I let it roll off my back, however the things that really do bother me are things that I can’t seem to understand. Those things, I stress over quietly inside my head because I figure these thoughts are my own to figure out and not to burden others with. (I find myself to be quite lucky when I find someone who is collected enough to want to delve into my inner most thoughts)
Sometimes I wish I could just be categorized as one type and be done with it. I am still so much of a mystery to myself and it always seems that I don’t quite fit anywhere in this life. It’s like one of those peg games, and I am some strange polygon that doesn’t fit into the square, circle, or triangle hole. I’ve had so many people want to believe their first impression of me to be all that I am and they get frustrated when I prove them wrong over and over. People give up and decide that since this peg doesn’t fit anywhere, it doesn’t belong, and they toss it away.
All in all, I am. I think. I feel. Those who know me best tell me that I still surprise them all the time (as I do myself). I think it comes from allowing myself to be whatever it is that I am and accept that I don’t know everything about myself, or this life. Emotions and thoughts are the most honest things in this life and I usually let them shape the person that I am. It’s sort of a cautious freedom, a respect for myself and others, and a desire to discover and understand.
CLOSING THOUGHT: I must depend on a wish and a star as long as my heart doesn't know who you are. So goodnight my someone, goodnight. P.S. You make me so very happy.
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