The Abused

I was thinking today about several different things. Wondering about people and wondering about the person I am. I was thinking about how I consider myself to be a strong person, but it struck me that I was too weak to leave an abusive relationship. That's when I realized that I wasn't weak at all. He is the weak one.

I used to look at women in abusive relationships and think they were so stupid for staying with the guy. That was… until I found myself as one of those women. I was angry with myself for a very long time and I was ashamed that I had let myself fall victim to it. It's much different when it's put into perspective for you.

We are the epitome of "wedding-vow" women. If we fall in love, we will stick through even the worst of times. (For better or worse, till death do us part) We love with such strong hearts that we are willing to work through anything. This can be good and bad. It all depends on whose hands we fall into. We will gladly take the pain, time and time again to make sure that our partner is ok. However, if we end up with someone who doesn't love us or respect us as much as they lead us to believe, we end up stuck in these abusive relationships because we have seen something wonderful there and we refuse to give up on them.

At one time they had shown love or maybe they periodically still give us tastes of that love and the person we fell in love with. Even though these moments are few and are severely outnumbered by the manipulative, abusive times, we choose to give them the benefit of the doubt. Whether good or bad, it still proves our strength of heart.

We are all so strong. Our ability to care for someone who doesn't have the strength to care in return. The abusers are so weak. They need our love to boost their ego or so they aren't alone while they look for someone else. They don't have the ability to stick through difficult times. Situations must suit them and they are unable to compromise. They can only feel strong if they have power over others, as opposed to how we grow by empowering others. We want to be their saving grace. When other girls decide it's not worth it and walk away, we hold out, hold steady, and keep trying in hopes to see it through.

Now, in the end I cannot say that is wise of us. In fact, it is a complete disregard for ourselves, which isn't wise at all. But when you're actually in the situation, you don't think of it that way. Actually, most girls know that their relationship is bad. I know I did. We aren't stupid or blind. But I thought, "What kind of girlfriend would I be if I quit as soon as the going gets tough?" So, we rationalize. We think more along the lines of, "We're still working things out. Every relationship has its ups and downs and nothing is perfect, but I'm willing to continue to work to make it better." (for better or worse, till death do us part) Think of it this way… that is an incredible strength to give up your own concerns for the concerns of another. And when one of these abused or manipulated girls meets the "wedding-vow" type of guy… wow! What a powerhouse they will be. A lifetime of compassionate love, caring, and support.

So this is a message to all those girls out there who have been through this ordeal as I have and feel like such a fool for it. You are not stupid. You are strong and I believe that your desire to believe in the good of every person no matter how cruel they might be, will eventually lead you to the person who will shelter you and love you like you deserve.


CLOSING THOUGHT: Just as every relationship has its ups and downs, so does life. And sometimes we have to be hurt to remind us what it's like to live.